Getting Started

Today, is a new day. The past couple of days it has come to my attention that I have no idea what I was going to happen. As my options, decreased from day to day, I worried, “what the heck am I going to do?” My unemployment is over. I applied at jobs that I would prefer to do. It is a constant waiting game. As I continued these thoughts during this waiting period, I realized, if I want to be a P.A.B (an Orderly translated from French), I need money. The money is to renew my CPR card, by retaking the CPR course, again. My car needs to be repaired, so that limits how far I can go. As for the bus, metro system, I also need money to get a bus pass. The only thing I can do now is walk and use up whatever is left in my car’s tank, provided it’s not too far. She doesn't like long drives at the moment so I stay away from highways.

As the days go on, I wonder what the heck I’m still going to do. I then realize I should have a back up plan. I usually do. In this case, I had to bite my pride and ego, I walked two streets over and find myself staring at a door. I’m early, it’s 8 am and they don’t open till 8h30am. As I wait yet again. I debate the situation over and over again. I don’t want to walk in there and do this. On the other hand, I need a back up plan. I feels as though hours are going by even though its just minutes. As I wait there, people are waiting with me of all ages. Finally, 8h30am comes. They unlock the doors and I walk into the Welfare Office, a.k.a Final Financial Assistance Office and filled out the forms to open a dossier with them. It killed me inside too see people my age there living what they may think is “the life.” I really don’t get that. When my time there was done, I was so happy to left and go home. Obsorbing what I have just done. Feeling both good about the back up plan and bad that it had to come to this. I promise myself, I will not stay on it long. Only for the length of time it takes to find the job I want and to see my mom through her operation and take care of her for the intense 48 hours afterwards.

As I await for Costco or the Verdun General to call, my limits were shrinking at a speed I was unsure of. Nor did I really want to face that reality. With the unknown staring at me in the face, I have to face the facts that I am scared.

As I do my normal, routine online. I’ve been seeing these Ads of making money online. A little voice in my head said, “Tara, go for it.” Being the risk taker I am, I talked it over with my mom. Making sure, she knew what I was doing. I am in charge of the finances but I want her to know that she does have a say. I have to admit, I was going to join, only when the money was rolling in from the J-O-B. With this uncertainty, I figured why the hell not. “Big risks comes with Big rewards,” I keep telling myself.

So here, I am. I did it. I applied and I am awaiting. The future looks a little clearer in this moment of hope. As I play yet another waiting game to be approved, I feel just a little better. For now this is the end of this chapter, we will see, I will keep you posted.