What A Week.

It has been quite the week.  An emotional roller coaster.  It has been very stressing. I noticed my life is getting into a negative aura that I must change back to positive.

I started my new job.  Training on Saturday was quite cool.  As I started, Monday all day getting to know the system, I had gone through the ups and downs of working there.  Trying to stay strong, while learning all these codes and the way the system works, I couldn’t help to think, “Wow, I don’t belong here".  As much as we need to the money, I bit my tongue and lived through all of the overwhelming events.  I spent most of my time apologized since I didn’t know the system.  When push came to shove I realized, I’m only here seasonally, and God bless that fact.  After,  getting really excited and then discouraged throughout the day, I came home exhausted.  If I were getting into the working environment, this would definitely be the place for me.  But I have grown, I am not into the whole “cashier” thing anymore.  Or at least, as much as I thought, I would be.  I longed for being an orderly.  Not for the rest of my life, until my business makes more than enough money to support my lifestyle with my mum.  I pray that Mr Pacelli find and remakes his residence soon.  I know I would already have the job and with the best boss and working environment ever!!!!

I have come to realize my place is at home, taking care of my mum.  The odds of me finding a guy here are slim, which helps.  I have not giving up, I know, he is not here in Montreal as a resident.  I have a better chance of hooking up with someone online, as tacky as that is.  No, offence to the people who have successfully found that certain someone online.  I have found one guy that seems to be interesting.  He lives in Ontario. As much as I am not a fan of the whole online dating thing, he somehow has poked through that wall I have created.

Back on topic, since my mom has been on dialysis, I find that she needs me even more.   I spend my days away from her, worried that she, all by herself, the slightest thing can happen since no one is with her.  I’m looking into ideas for having someone with her at times until we move into a more suitable place.  During her dialysis she is find,  however afterwards she gets very drowsy and needs to eat something.  I’m unsure if she  is too weak to get downstairs when I am not there to get the Paratransit bus.  When I’m there I have her sit in a wheel chair and we go back to the 1st floor to the car.  Once at the car, she gets out of the wheel chair and into the car.  She is my last bit of close family and I know that one day .. she will have to go, so I try to hold on to that as much as I can.

Another event,  I ended a friendship this week.  It ended ugly but it needed to be done.  After feeling bad at how badly it ended, I tried to befriend him again.  He wants nothing to do with me.  And as hard as it is to admit, I think it’s for the best. One thing he said that rings in my ears, is about how a mutual friend said that I go through friends a lot.  As much as she is right,  it hurt.  I then realized, sometimes it must be that way, we as people are all different and both change, life gets in and different scenarios happen that held us together and can makes us fall apart. There are friends I have today that I was never friends with from childhood. They are special people in my life.  I once heard on  TV talk show that their a friendships that start because of things in common and sometimes we grown as people and it’s no longer what holds us together.  There are friendship that don’t grow and with that they, the relationship dies.

Will we be friends again, I don't know. BUT …. it’s okay.

Going through the week,  I have to send my car in the scrap yard.   The only thing helping me is the thought of eventually getting another car. If you want to know more read my blog, “My Hot Wheels - “Babes”.” I haven’t done it yet.  It is something I have to have done by Friday.  I have been calling up different places to see what my options are as well as which is registered with the SAAQ.

Next, I received a letter from a CSSS (hospital) claiming I am not qualified to work for them and to take a 750 hours course to do what I already do.  Take a course, I have already finished.  In anger,  I am in the working process of writing them a letter.  With that letter, will not only include my CV again, but documents stating that I am qualified.  The only thing I have against me is the vaccination and my CPR card has expired.  But will be retaking that course and renewing my card in 2010.  And I'll have to get my H1N1 Flu vaccination to get back in that field.  As well as, I will be sending my CV to a residence to work there during the night shift.

I’m not a fan of the whole night shift thing, and I complained about it a lot.  It seems like the only thing my body know how to do.  Also it allows for the movie production business to be able to still work around a working schedule.  Whereas working as a cashier, they only wanted me for weekends.  I agreed to it to get the job but I won’t be able to keep it in order to do auditions and such.

Finally, today, with everything that was going on I was sure I was suppose to work on Thursday. It wasn't until, I check the calendar twice that around noon I realized that I was suppose to work today at 11 am. I called in telling them I couldn't make it today.  Which doesn’t look good for a new employee.   I was very close to completely quitting and everything before I made the phone call telling them I was suppose to work today but I mistaken it with Thursday.  It was my mom that helped me changed my mind. I guess for me at the moment it’s just easier to give up.  It would mean, with everything on my plate, I could take some things off it.  I am finding it hard, I admit it, I need some positive reinforcement to help me stay focused and motivated.  

My mom and I are looking into moving into low-income housing.   It’ll help us a lot to get things that need to be done as well as get us out of this apartment that is no longer suited for us. 

And that raps it all up.  I pray that even though this is just the middle of the week, the rest of it goes better.  Way better!

All the best.