My HOT Wheels - “Babes”

When my mom and I first got away from the the grasp of the evil step-father.  I had one chance during the moving to get my licence.  If I were to fail, I would have to wait a while before the opportunity would present itself again.  Getting my licence for me was everything.  It’s a step in the direction of independence, in my eyes, security and safety, only that is another story.
Between successfully getting my licence on the first shot and getting my bike stolen; I knew that my next step was to get a car.  For reasons, I’m not quite sure of anymore, I had it in my head that I wanted my 1st car to be brand spanking new.  After much talk and chatter,  I realized that getting a much older car was the route needed to be taken, to not only to gain more experience on the road but to help me get to know certain things they don’t teach you when you’re learning to drive.  If you are asking, “What’s that?”  My answer to you is; Learning how to take care of the vehicle your learnt to drive. This is to help you not get screwed at the mechanics.  Again, that’s another blog all to it’s own.  I will write up in the future. 
It was then I believe she picked me more than I picked her.  My landlord's daughter was selling her 1996, Ford Taurus GL.  They parked her in front of my kitchen window where I stared at her day after day.  My landlord first approached my mom about the car.  I believe it was her idea in the first place.  When my mom and I had finished a long discussion about whether we should buy her or not, it was then that I realized that she was going to be mine.  A few days later, she was ours.
To many she is an old bag of clunk.   I didn't care cause she was mine.  I was so proud of her.  She was one of the family.  I named her, "Babes".
She gave us so much. many funny memories and also helped us out as always.  In loving memory of her, I plan on making her a mini video of her. She helps me stay focus and keeps me distressed. The only thing she was missing was a CD player.  Which I would eventually solve by purchasing an FM Transmitter.
I never took my car for granted. She is my release to staying focus.  I found out that when things aren't stable in my life, she helps me thru it.  She is my release for stressed.  This is was happens; something doesn’t go my way or something's wrong; I would get into my car, preferably at night, turn up the upbeat music and drive ... and then I would reach cloud 9.  It’s my heaven on earth. I would come back to a neutral state that would enable me to deal with whatever.  From a friend who a similar release technique recommends if I can't do it during the night, that is can be done during the day.  When going to my cloud 9 during the day, I would have to be on open country road and it helps. With my car's current problems, I have not been able to do “release” that I normally do.  So at the moment, I have to use my back up which is loud music and dancing and singing, which living in an apartment I do have to be careful the hours I choose to do this.
Within the next month, I must make a very important and vital decision.  I must choose to get rid of my Babes and cut my losses with her. Which makes me sad.  Or keep her.  :o)
After writing this blog the choice should be obvious .. “KEEP HER, TARA!”  There is much I must consider.  She has some repairs that need to be done.  I'm must admit, I am no mechanic, I have to evaluated the situation properly.  I have to repair the fan belt, get an oil change, have the winter tires put on (By Dec 15th, the law), a tune up and there is something else wrong, I think it's the alternator but it could be a mess of things.
I currently have no job.  I do have a temporary source of income.  It's limited to paying the necessities, until I get a job.  I don't know when that will be.  I do need a back up plan.  I always like having a back up plan.  My back up is by a certain date if I have no job; say goodbye to my Babes.
Your question maybe, "Tara, why can't you have your car and a job?"  There are a few extra thing I need to consider.  The registration is due on my vehicle this November. I’ll not going to be able to pay it on my current temporary income.  I’m so desperate for a job and keeping my car, I’m applying for general aid jobs and cashier instead of just PAB work. Due to a few financial things that have happened.  I have to be careful where I apply.  It can’t be too far away until I get my first pay which should be in a few days.  With Christmas coming up, I have to take that into consideration as well.
It is a big downer but I have to make a choice.  It will put my life on hold for a while since everything I do is a least a 30min drive from me.  I do pray that I can keep my baby girl. 
On the plus side, I know that if I do have to come with terms on things.  I know I love having a car.  It would only be a matter of time before I get another one.  The aim would be for the spring. The downfall for that scenario is the people on my street aren't the most careful people in the world.  Most of the scraps and scratches on my baby girl are due to them.  There are 2 of them that are my fault completely and then one (that I know of) is a retaliation of something I did to someone else.
Which is completely stupid.  This is what happened.  There was this lady living on the 3rd floor.  I live in the basement.  At the time, the apartment between us was empty.  I was working the night shift and I was trying to sleep during the day.  She has this son that had a burst of energy.  We suggested that she take her son to the park (she was on Final Financial Assistant, Welfare).  It basically sounded like she was playing fetch with her son.  You'd hear this loud plunk and then a whole bunch of running.  What was worst is it sounded as though she living above us. To make the story short, we got her kicked out after many warnings.  She wasn't impressed and thought she she take it out on my car.
In normal situation I would have been very hurt.  With her being an older model car, Babes gives me the sense of not needing to worrying about that.  Also, I already had a moment that hit hard.  I had my car for about 3 weeks or less.  I parked my car at my job downtown and was working the night shift.  On my breaks, I would walk to go sit in my car. As I put the key in my car,  I noticed my car and 4 other cars driver side mirrors were purposely broken off.  It was done by drunk people, I know this, being the side mirror was parked safely on facing the sidewalk.  I guess it wasn’t that safe.  That was my break down and I wouldn't let that feeling of hurt happen again. I took it so purposely like people have nothing better to do then use their own money to repair thing on a car that isn’t even their fault.  When the chick from upstairs keyed my car, I shrugged it off and got into the car and drove off.
Getting a newer car (still 2nd hand) but closer to the 2009 as possible, I worry about the people scratching my newer vehicle which it hurt.  It will cost money since I haven't repaired any of the body damage on my Babes.  I didn't think it was that worth it seeing the lack of care on the street I work on. It would cost a fortune.  With a newer vehicle, I just may have to make those investments to get my car to stay nice looking.
With all that said, I'm on the fence about my car.  Regardless whether I get rid of her or not, I still plan on getting another vehicle.  Only the newest addition to the family will be parked near a friend in about 20 minutes drive from where we live (if we have 2 cars).  With one car, I’m still not sure what I’m going to do about that.  Her name will be "Be-belle," and I'm hoping it will be an SUV BMW X5 hopefully blue. She will have a CD player (hopefully MP3 compatible) and a sunroof or a moon roof. 
Still seeking a date to which I will have to follow thru with my car decision, I’m still hoping I can keep my Babes.  Keeping my fingers crossed, praying and trying to stay positive about it.  Regardless, this did feel like a good release.  Thank you for reading.

All the best.

Wedding Video Edit

A “Wedding Video Edit” is my next challenge,  my cousin and her high school sweet heart got married a couple of years back.  She drove all the way to Montreal and had the whole event here; her hometown.  I know that she did it to have the whole family back together again.  That has been a goal her and I have been talking about for a long time.

I’m hoping to have the edit done by Christmas.  It’ll be my Christmas gift to her and her hubby, from Martin and I.   She already knows about it since I asked her permission to have DAS Productions to have full credits.  Her one condition was she could have a copy of it.  It was then that is was agreed.

I’m a little nervous.   I’m about to face my biggest challenge so far.  It’s a challenge because most of our editing jobs are scripted; we have an idea as to how it’s going to be edited and that’s really easy.  We get to look at the script to guide us through the editing process. This, this has no script to it.  It has the beginning, middle and an end.  It’s laid out like every wedding.  You go, you say I do, you get your pictures taken, you go to the reception and you have a bunch of comments from people.  There is no footage of her getting ready.  However, I am going to have to inquire about that.  The mark of their beginning. I know this comes across as very rude the way I worded it.  I’m just saying I want this wedding to stick out.  For people she shows be wowed by our work.  It’s already in order, I just have to cut it to make it look like the most flawless day of their lives.  With it being shot from 2 different cameras, I have this idea of going from one camera to the other throughout the “I dos”. I was there, so I have an idea of what went on.  It helps and I have some tricks up my sleeve as to how I’m going to do everything. I’m having trouble figuring out how I’m going to do the reception and the interviews to make it looks graceful and nice.  I may have to do some research online as well as dig out my mom’s wedding video for ideas or back up ideas.

If you are reading this, you are probably wondering, “She was married a few years ago, why are you editing now?”  That is a great question.  The answer is simple.  My cousin slash co-owner of DAS Productions, filmed with 2 cameras.  Martin, the co-owner of DAS Productions, filmed his sister’s wedding with our Uncle Gordon at the other camera.  I have over 5 hours of footage to play around with.  Martin didn’t have the technology we have today to be able to edit it properly.  With the investment we made in March 2007 of purchasing a laptop.  This laptop has a Movie Editing feature on it that allow us to edit to the millisecond.  I will be upgrading it in the future to have access to all the gadgets and tools that are available when you upgrade it.  It gets the job done, for now. 

I haven’t seen all the footage, I still have to go pick it up to refresh my memory as to what in detail happened. As reference I plan on writing part as a script to help me stay focus as I watch everything several times. I plan on asking some advice to my dearest friend slash cousin Stephanie. 

She’s been studying a lot about marriages.  She been planning hers for a while.  Picking everything out, which is a great time saver for when it does happen.  She at one time wanted to become a “Wedding Planner.”  Had she decided to go down that route, she would have made an excellent one.  Which is why I need her experience for a video perspective.

I haven’t told her yet, I was going to wait until Wednesday (October 28th, 2009) when were were going to meet for coffee.  If she reads this before hand then she’ll know in advance.  :)

This video will have a happily ever after …

My Little Man

… continued from R.I.P  Mittens …

When those two kittens came along I was pretty sure that me and the female would get along better than, I with the male.  I never had a male cat.  My mom let me keep both of them; it would be the beginning of a long journey.

A journey, I was excited and nervous for the first couple of months.  Knowing my little bundle of joys, Squirty  and Cuddles were depending on me.  I was nervous for they were my babies that I would train, where as my mom, trained Mittens.  Depending on my techniques and how I went about it; would eventually equal the cats they would become some day.  It put a lot of pressure on me since I was bringing up not just one, but two.

By the time I was old even to remember her, Mittens was already grown up enough for me not to have to expect things from her.  She would just act upon instincts.  She as also affectionate.  This may have been why I found having Squirty so hard, I had to teach him, I never really expected that.  And when I was sad, I would expect him to fill the gaps Mittens left open.  I had to start over with him from scratch.  The hard thing was I didn't know how, I didn't have mother instincts at 16 and I never had a male cat so I was really blind sighted to the situation.  But I think in the end, it helped me with my mom during her time in need. 

Cuddles was the good one where as, Squirtness, was my little bad boy, causing problems.  I wasn’t the tidiest person being a teen but I was very much into making sure there was no bacteria anywhere.

If you ever popped by my house and Squirt was using his litter box and wondered why he would stay in the litter box for about 15 to 20 minutes after had gone was when he was younger, he was traumatized by something I did to him. When he was a kitten, he would use the litter box and no cover whatever exited his body.  He would then walk through it and want to come on my pillow tracking whatever he walked through onto my pillow.  Being a teen, I was scared to get any in my hair and rush Squirt to the bathroom.  He, back then, could fit in one hand.  I put him in the sink and with warm water washed all his paws.  Little did I know, he remembered this and never did it again.

I won’t lie, it was hard training him, I often wondered how people who have babies do roughly the same thing I was trying to accomplish.  I’m not putting down bringing up kids.  At the age of 16 and bringing up a kitten, I felt like a teen mother.  I had never had that responsibility so I often wondered if I was doing everything right.  From Mittens, I expected it since she already knew me inside and out.  During the the hard times, I sometimes felt I didn’t like my Squirty, and once even hated him.  Not because of who he was but of the lack of wisdom he had, because of my own frustration during training times.  After a few months went by, and he started getting to know his name and what “no” meant it became easier.  Being a teenager bringing up a couple of kittens was an interesting experience, there were things Squirty and I would do, we would test each other with.  He would claw my nose in the morning to wake me up in his tender years.  He learned real fast that’s not how you wake me up.

As time when on, Cuddles became very independent and was good at being good and needed no one or help she caught on quite fast.  It was during this time that Squirt and I without realizing it developed a connection, during my constant focus on training him.  Cuddles didn’t need me and Squirt did, I couldn’t help but feel the need to need him as well.  It’s about that time I would fight and protect, my little man.

For those of you wondering,  I called him “Squirt” that due to a phase I was going through where I would call everyone I knew Squirt.  Having a kitten, I figured it would help me get out of that phase.  Which it did.  Little would I know, he would live up to it by not only marking his territory in the year to come but have several grandkids. As the years went on those are most of the where my memories were held with him.  He knew when I was angry and when I meant business.  He never messed around with me.  He knew I would always defend him even if he was him at fault.  As the year went on, other names were made, like Squirty (this is the most famous one) Squirtness, Sweety, baby, little one, my little man, and fur ball.  Which he knew all of them quite well. Mister and “Furry Butt out of here”were his angry names for him, when I was mad at him.

Even though we weren’t related, I saw a lot of me in him.  He was very mischievous, sassy at times and often into no good.  A bully  and wanted to be King to the other cats in the house.  I’m not sure how I did, but he always respected me.  He learned that it’s okay to nibbled if I did something wrong or hurt him but biting was not tolerated. 

He had weird fetishes.  Like stealing my elastics and jewel.  To be spiteful, chew on my earphones wires or anything that may be useful to me.  He always amazed me on how intelligent he was but stupid he would pretend to be sometimes.  How he would need to smell everything I ate whether I knew he would want a piece or not.

There were also fearful moments,  when his eye got infected.  After seeing many Vets telling me different stories I gave up on it.  Some would go as far as telling  me it was cancer.   He then got very sick,  I took him to a new Vet in which they gave him fluids, penicillin and some other drugs.  Next couple of days his eye cleared up and he health was back to normal.

My favourite story would be the one where in the morning he would somehow get himself caught on those plastic PC reusable bags.  All you saw, was this bag running down the hall, around my moms bed and all over.  It was so funny, even though I feared something was wrong like he was choking.

He had this way about him that he had to announce when he would come in or when he felt he should wake me up.  For nothing at all ,just for his own fun.

He would often be able to sit there, like a status and look like the furniture.  It was scary cause he wouldn’t move like in the photo below. It wasn’t all fun and games, there are a few times he scared the crap out of me. 

He was in the window, to the house, in my room, in the basement. I went upstairs for something only to come back down and find no Squirt.  Scared, I started calling him.  In the distance, I would hear his voice.  So I walked to the other side of the basement, only to notice his voice is quieter.  I went back into my room, all the while calling him, to notice the window’s screen is open, we lived on a busy street and not long before this happened I had witnessed a friend of mine’s cat hit my a car on that same street further down.  As I ran to the window, I see my poor kitty stuck in the tree. He was chasing a squirrel and got stuck.  Hanging on for dear life to the bark with all his claws out, meowing in fear.  I instantly ran outside and save my baby,and hugged him as I brought him back inside and firmly closed all the windows downstairs.

He would let me do almost anything to him, from hugging him to dressing him up.  In the end, he ended up being the very cat that I would hope for.  He even became affectionate and cuddly.

I will never forget the day he died.  He was fine.  Healthy and happy.  At least, to the eye. After being up exceptionally late, we decided we would sleep in the next day.  We woke up to Squirt walking in the room announcing his arrival as usual.  The only thing that wasn’t normal was the way he meowed, as though in pain.  A Vet once told me that cats’ conceal their pain, so the pain they are actually feeling is much worst when they start to vocalizing it.  With the pain he was experiencing, he was also having trouble breathing and with that he was very scared.  When I noticed something was wrong, I didn’t aid the situation as all I freaked out.  If you couldn’t realized how scared he was when he was able to pull up enough air to vocalized it, you could see if in his eyes.  Searching for a mode of transportation and contacting his Hospital, we were running out of time.  We called a taxi and got him to the Vet.  By the time the Vet was ready to see him,  it was already way too late.  The vet gave me the following opinions:  get blood samples and x-rays or put him down. Because I not longer had the voice of reason, and was panicking, I could not think clearly.  The Vet explained, by the time they get all the results, saving him would be out of the question, since he was already turning blue.  My baby was dying a horrible death.  I helped him to relax as best I could.  I’m sure by the look in my eyes he knew what I had to do. I had to make the awfully, painful decision to put him down. 

I want to thank my mom, for being the strong one for a change when I was weak.  Helping me thru that whole day and the hours that have proceed it.  I have no idea what would have changed had her constant, “Tara, calm down for Squirty’s sake so you can think clearly”, had not been there.  To have her shoulder to cry on the remainder of that day and the days that had followed.

Throughout the day I cried, as expected, went through the “what ifs” and tried to think of ways that may make him still alive today.  Regardless that it wouldn’t had changed a thing. I could barely get a sentence out all that day on the 25th of January, 2010.  It was tough accepting the fact that he was alive this morning and dead now.  That he had died just as shockingly as my Aunt Diane but a few week shy.  All still happening on a Monday.   It is way to close together for my comfort.

It’s amazing the routine I was in, I only noticed now that my baby is gone.  I often find myself, looking for him, about to call him for something, see how he’s doing or move things around in fear he would get it and break it on me. The images of his final hours still hauntingly play in my head.  How tough it is not seeing him make his grand entrance that he would make.  Or when he would just come to snuggle with me for a while before we doze off for the night.

Still this journal once started as a celebration in October 2009 of having him for yet another year, his birthday, only to end up being his life story, leaving me behind, his mother, heartbroken and sad. Only to watch over me from above.

And yet this verse comes to mind helps me, something recited at my Aunt Diane’s Funeral, a few weeks ago:

1 Corinthians 13:4-7:

Love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

You’ll always have a piece of me.  I love you, my baby, Squirty.  I will miss you, My Little Man, my love.

R.I.P  my Squirty

~In Loving Memory of Squirty~

October 31st, 1998 – January 25th, 2010

25 Randoms Facts About Me

It was on MySpace and Facebook but I'm bringing it to my blogger to publish here. Since this is where I will be doing my writing about me and what's going on.

1. I chew my nails when I'm bored or nervous.


2. I've never dyed my hair. It darkens and lightens with the seasons and depending how often I go swimming. It's all natural. I have several colours in my hair.


3. I often make up my own words in English and I noticed in french, now too. My mom does it as well, but hers are some how funnier.


4. I get these bursts of energy and I skip, dance, jump and hop around at that moment and use it all up.


5. It amazes me how often the littlest thing can make me so happy. IE: When my car needed a new battery and the mechanic started the car and told me he was going to give my car life again. I had a tear of joy in my eye.


6. I'm obsessed with cars. All cars, especially, fast ones. I love the, I mean, MY 7 SERIES ( the 750Li or the 760Li, I prefer the most) and my ford is my current baby.


7. There are times where I don't care what time it is, who's asleep or anything, I just want to blast music and dance. I usually end up going for a drive while the stereo is a pumping.


8. I have reading glasses for when my eyes get too tired.


9. I have lost hope in Quebec men. I'm now searching the US and the rest of Canada markets. Or men that come here that aren't from QC. That is until one can prove me wrong about what I think. When it comes to men I'm very sceptical. My cat is the only steady male in my life. When he gets angry at me he chewed wires around the house.


10. I love playing video games. I love the Wii, especially, I'll never forget the day I got it. I got a phone call from my buddy, Tim. He left a messages saying, " He's got to Wii". And I was like why is he calling me to say he has to go to the bathroom. Then is hit me. The video console.


11. I love chocolate, especially, dark chocolate. I have secret cravings almost everyday.


12. I'm a very patient person. I'm positive and creative.


13. I'm addicted to taking photos. I love my blue Casio that Tim got me and wouldn't trade it. But I'm not sure if having a digital camera is good upgrade for me. At least the old fashion way I would stop after a while. Cause I'd have to buy more film. It's been less than a year and I already have over 2000 pictures (that doesn't count the ones I've deleted). I haven't scrapbooked any of them and I haven't sent them to be developed. I'm far from done. I think I'm going to need another USB Hard drive soon. :S


14. I love the Reba show. Van is my fave, he's so funny, the way he thinks is so off. Steve Howey did a great job. And I love Smallville. Go, Tom, go. Those baby blue eyes and lips ...... no comment.


15. I spend a lot of my time since starting the production watching movies and TV series. Studying angles, researching and learning. I like to see if I can think of ideas to write for other episodes or the continuation of films. After of course just watching it to see the plot.


16. I'm unsure of my views of murder. I know I don't like it. When I was in elementary school. A beautiful young lady was murdered from my school. I was in one of her classes in grade 2. The sad part is she was murderer by one of her own relatives. I am amazed how one can analyze a murder scene and interview people and come up with a scenario as to what happened. This all from things that are left over after a crime.


17. I get frustrated when people older than me either ask for advice or I donate it and they think that because I'm younger I don't know what I'm talking about. News flash!! When I don't know something. I'll be asking you the questions. **hint, hint**


18. I have about 6 binders full of things I want to do and accomplish. I have a binder with little adventures, I want to have. Goals, dreams, and things I want to experience.


19. I love who I am. I notice I have these times where I blast at people for things that I don't think are right. It was brought to my attention that the crowd usually is on my side. Also I'd like to be more healthy and loose a lot of weight. I'm comfortable with whom I am. After seeing what my mom is going threw, I really want to change my health. I know it'll also help in the male department too.


20.When I was younger, I was in swimming competition and because there was no other girls in my age category, I would race against the boys of the same age and got 3rd place. Also in NJ. I was with Tanya and these US boys challenged us Canadian chicks to throw the basketball in the hoop. They didn't think I could. I did and won my Alien.

21. I'm trying to find my real dad on the Internet. That is if he's still a live. It's hard.

22. Because of my love for candy, I trick-o-treated until I was 23.


23. I'm looking forward to having a house of my own. To have many parties and blast my music. I miss the house in Chateauguay. I look forward to another one.


24. One of the adventures I want to go on is staying at the underwater hotel, Poseidon. And wake up to dolphins and fishes swimming by. Also have a romantic stay at Musha Cay. It's a private Island you can rent and have 12 other couple with you. During your stay there, you have 30 staff members looking after you and the island. Plus each couple takes one of the room suites on all parts of the Island.


25. Yeah, I'm scared of fish but I love sharks. When I was a kid there was a joke that I'd be on the beach and some fishes would come around and I'd freak out and run out of the water. Then take the same scenario and there would be shark and everyone else would be freaking out and I'd stay to look at the shark..

Concerning DAS Productions

I'm really getting into this whole blog thing. I think I'm getting addicted to it. I don't know what I like more; typing in general or typing my thoughts down. I already have a few subjects that I am working on. As soon as they are finished being typed, researched (for one of them) then proof read, I will published them on this blogger account.

I have to admit, the new MSN messenger upgrade has helped me. When you install the upgrade it includes a Windows Live Writer/Mail/ Photos/Movie Maker. The Windows Live Writer is directly linked to this blogger account. I can save drafts, it have auto correct (works like Microsoft Word) and do all sort of things. I'm very impressed with it.

I know in one of my last blogs, I was not going to include the bad things that happen to me. I then realized that a truly inspired life, needs both the ups and downs. "For one must fail to succeed." I created a blog for the soul purpose of the ups and downs. I'm going to delete it.

Any who, I was thinking that within the next couple of weeks, I'll be opening a new blog concerning my movie production business. It will replace my other blogger account. One of the blogs I'm working on, will be going towards my first blog post, under the D.A.S. Productions Blogger page. I'm not going to tell you want it's about you'll have to wait and read. :O)

I know that creating a new blog account should not take that much time but I have to link all the other sites to it. I'm script correcting and skit editing. Plus I have to had this all done before my next project comes. Which I will be talking about in my Blog on the account I will be opening. I'll post it on here too. I want people to keep visiting both blog accounts.

I'm also job hunting. It's consuming most of my time at the moment as well with watching over my mom. Her movements are limited at the moment until she gets the stitches out. As the Doctor informed me, my mom sleeping more is very normal. It's normal for someone in her condition. It has nothing to do with the operation but the reason why she needed the operation ASAP. For those who don't know a lot about dialysis ... no worries. I didn't know anything about until now. My mom's kidneys are reaching a state of failure. In order for my mom to continue living, my mom needed this operation. All they did was link a vein and an artery. Making the Vein ( I think it is) bigger. Once everything is healed and the vein is bigger, my mom will then have to go into the hospital 3 times a week to get treatments. These treatments will have a solution injected into my mom. The injections' jobs are basically doing some of what the job of what the kidneys are suppose to do. It is mostly to help with waste removal. From what they tell me, once she starts getting the injections she'll be back to her wake self. In the meantime, the sleep is good. She heal faster.

Well that's all for now.

All the best.

Getting Started

Today, is a new day. The past couple of days it has come to my attention that I have no idea what I was going to happen. As my options, decreased from day to day, I worried, “what the heck am I going to do?” My unemployment is over. I applied at jobs that I would prefer to do. It is a constant waiting game. As I continued these thoughts during this waiting period, I realized, if I want to be a P.A.B (an Orderly translated from French), I need money. The money is to renew my CPR card, by retaking the CPR course, again. My car needs to be repaired, so that limits how far I can go. As for the bus, metro system, I also need money to get a bus pass. The only thing I can do now is walk and use up whatever is left in my car’s tank, provided it’s not too far. She doesn't like long drives at the moment so I stay away from highways.

As the days go on, I wonder what the heck I’m still going to do. I then realize I should have a back up plan. I usually do. In this case, I had to bite my pride and ego, I walked two streets over and find myself staring at a door. I’m early, it’s 8 am and they don’t open till 8h30am. As I wait yet again. I debate the situation over and over again. I don’t want to walk in there and do this. On the other hand, I need a back up plan. I feels as though hours are going by even though its just minutes. As I wait there, people are waiting with me of all ages. Finally, 8h30am comes. They unlock the doors and I walk into the Welfare Office, a.k.a Final Financial Assistance Office and filled out the forms to open a dossier with them. It killed me inside too see people my age there living what they may think is “the life.” I really don’t get that. When my time there was done, I was so happy to left and go home. Obsorbing what I have just done. Feeling both good about the back up plan and bad that it had to come to this. I promise myself, I will not stay on it long. Only for the length of time it takes to find the job I want and to see my mom through her operation and take care of her for the intense 48 hours afterwards.

As I await for Costco or the Verdun General to call, my limits were shrinking at a speed I was unsure of. Nor did I really want to face that reality. With the unknown staring at me in the face, I have to face the facts that I am scared.

As I do my normal, routine online. I’ve been seeing these Ads of making money online. A little voice in my head said, “Tara, go for it.” Being the risk taker I am, I talked it over with my mom. Making sure, she knew what I was doing. I am in charge of the finances but I want her to know that she does have a say. I have to admit, I was going to join, only when the money was rolling in from the J-O-B. With this uncertainty, I figured why the hell not. “Big risks comes with Big rewards,” I keep telling myself.

So here, I am. I did it. I applied and I am awaiting. The future looks a little clearer in this moment of hope. As I play yet another waiting game to be approved, I feel just a little better. For now this is the end of this chapter, we will see, I will keep you posted.

Music Survey: A Song Version of My Life's Story

Well .... sort of. This was sent to me from my cousin, Steph. I figure since it took me so long to fill it out; it should go on my Blog so I have it saved somewhere. :)

Introduction:

As a kid, I would play music 24/7; even sleeping with it on. It was a way people would know how I was feeling or what type of mood I was in without asking. Without realizing it, I would play a song that the artist felted what I was feeling, at the moment I played it. The song that the lyrics expressed what I was going through. I even played songs that I would need to hear to help lift up my spirits. It wasn't until my aunt came over told me what I doing that I realized it. Music was a huge part of my life as a kid. It still is. But due to the size of my apartment and that I have no more stereo system, I can't play my CD collection as I wish. Things like this really make me crave playing my CDs that are all packed at the moment. :S

For that. I say, "God bless, Youtube and MP3 Players." It's not the same but for now, it will due. I think that's why I love Clubs and playing music in my car because it's the closest thing I have to the sensation of playing music in my house. Like I use to in Chats.

If your life had a soundtrack, which 8 songs would be on it and WHY?
1.Yolanda Adams - I believe.
For most, this doesn't come as a surprise. It's a song about not only about succeeding but the emotional strength you have to go through to accomplish it. The mental toughness to believe it ... regardless what others think. Having the toughness even when you, yourself beat yourself up when you do not acquiring it after a certain length of time. This song is about regardless of all that ... " I believe." When I'm hard on myself or when things aren't going my way this song helps me and keeps me on track.

2. It's going to be a 3 songs RMX (remix) mash up: Macarena - Los del Rio (Not to be confused with Los Del Mar ... this is sort of the female English version.), Fat Boy - Max-A-Million & Alexia - Uh, La, La, La.
It would have to be a RMX since in school I was very big on remixes. With my fancy stereo system I had, I use to make up my own remixes often. I wanted to be a DJ when I was in school. I've been know for these songs at High School dances with my Peeps because we would always try to get everyone to dance it with us. Everyone knows the Macarena. Not everyone knows the Fat Boy song and the Uh, La, La, La, dances. Keep in mind these are songs that you have to request the DJ to play but more often that not are usually played at Weddings.
***NOTE the Macarena is simple however the others take more time to get to know.

3. Two song Mash up RMX: El General - Tu Pum Pum & Missy Elliot - 4 my people. In 2000, I started working at Square Victoria, BK (Burger King). It was the Ghetto BK because we wouldn't listen to what I was use to listening to (meaning dance, techno and pop). Since working there, my music selection has changed and grown. I use to stock up the cups and coffee to "Tu Pum Pum", every morning. After the morning shift, the shift change would bring the reggaeton, R'n"B and Hip Hop guys in and work. Before I left BK, I grew to love reggaeton, R'n'B, Rap, Hip Hop, International songs and so on. I have fallen in love with song RMX (remixes) even more and had loved to go dancing in the clubs. It was also a time where I was learning to drive. I realized that my cloud 9 and stress reliever is LOUD Upbeat music as I drive the highways at night!!!!!

4. Kanye West - Stronger
I love this song. For the main reason. It's true, as bad things happen to you; it makes you stronger. I wouldn't change a thing in my past, for it has shaped me into who I've become today. I never really like my step-dad. However, the way he was with us, has carved me into who I am today. Even though I didn't like it at the time. Because of him ... I don't take shit from no one. Something I've heard a few times is; Tara has a lot of patience but when you cross that line, Tara gets really mad. And to back off ! But if you talk to me respectfully. I give you respect back! Or when I know I'm wrong.

5. TLC- Unpretty
In school, around the time where "looks" became "important". I struggled a lot with it. Dealing with who I was? Am I pretty? Being over weight. My self-esteem was quite low to the point it didn't exist. I would try to hide it and I think at times I succeeded. Eventually, I broke that path down, I have accepted who I was, working on what I have power to change (without surgery and needles) and learnt to boost my self-esteem and improve who I am, speaking up and names don't hurt (also understand why people do what they do) and I have to admit it's kinda made me nasty.

6. Destiny's Child - Bills Bills Bills to Destiny’s Child - Survivor
This Mash up RMX is not about my true friends but those whom thought I did not know they were using me when I self-esteem was low. I used them for the association. Even thoough they were just using my family to get to the money my parents won from the 6/49 in '93. Before I moved to good old Chats. The Survivor song is a dedication to "steve", who was once known as my step-father. But doesn't have that title any more. Those who are close to me, know.

7. Nick Carter - I Got You
I know this is sort of a love song. And not just because it's, Nick. :p But this song, I find inspires my mom. In her latest challenge in her life; she knows and admits that it's tough on me. She is thankful that she has me. Makes my mom cry tears of joy; when this song is being played.

8.N-Trance & The Bee Gees - Staying Alive (Rap Remix) ... I created a joke with this song as a 10 yrs old. The Joke: What song should you NOT play at a funeral ? .... "Ah, ah, ah, ah. Stayin' alive. Stayin' alive." Because of the type of person I am. I would prefer that they play this song and remember me.

Which 9 songs have helped you through rough times? ... so I added some. I have to give credit for the ones that helped me out through the tough times. Also note; the list grows.
1. Whitney Houston - Count On Me (Ft CeCe Winans) & When U Believe [ft. Mariah Carey] & Step by Step & Where Do Broken Hearts Go? & Greatest love of all & I'm Every Woman
2. Mariah Carey - Hero & Can't take that away
3. Justin Timberlake - What goes around ... comes around
4. BSB - Roll with it & Treat me Right!
5.Beyoncé - Me, Myself & I
6. Michael Jackson - U R Not Alone & They Don't Care About Us & Heal The World
7. Kanye West - Stronger
8. DC Project - Mary's Prayer (feat Alexa)
9. DJ BoBo - LOVE IS ALL AROUND & Respest Yourself
10. Baha Men - Best Years Of Our Lives
11. Christina Aguilera - Voice within & Fighter & Can't Hold Us Down
12 Mary J. Blige - Take Me As I Am
13. R. Kelly - I Believe I Can Fly
14. Allure - All Cried Out
15. Chumbawamba - Tubthumping
16. Blaque Ivory - I'm Good
17. House Music United - Yes We Can (Original Mix)
18.Lee Ann Womack - I Hope You Dance
19. Hermes House Band feat. Dj Otzi - Live Is Life
20.Rammstein - Du Hast (English)
21. New Kids On The Block - Hangin Tough & The Right Stuff
22. S Club 7 - Reach
23. Justin Timberlake - Cry Me A River
24. PCD - Don't Cha & Don't Need A Man
25. Shawn Desman - Better Then Me & SEXY
26 .Ziggy Marley ft. Sean Paul - Three Little Birds
27. Mario - How Could U & U Should Let Me Love U [Reggaeton RMX]

What 10 songs come to mind when you think of the best times of your life so far?
1. Max-A-Million - Fat Boy ... school dances seeing how many people would follow the dance moves we were doing and join in.
2. Rammstein - Du Hast (English) ... getting my step-father out of my life! A song to my ex T.W. ... LOL You got what you both deserved!
3. Sean Paul - Get Busy .... It's my number 1 summer driving song in my Baby Ford! It was the year I got her.
4. Tom Petty - Free Fallin' & Vitamin C - Graduation Friends Forever ... Graduation of Elementary and High School!
5. Irene Cara - Fame ... One of the songs I preformed at the Noigel Show in Chats
6. Four seasons - Oh What a Night ... Playing music in what use to be our house in Chats. All parties we had.
7. Backstreet Boys - We've Got It Goin On ... the funny and crazy things my peeps and I did. At and for their concerts. Especially when the song first came and we were trying to figure out what the heck they were saying.
8. Village People - YMCA to Hermes House Band feat. Dj Otzi - Live Is Life to Gloria Gaynor - I Will Survive to Venga Boys - We Like To Party ... brings me back to those DJing nights at the Legion in Chats. The parties we had at that house. My, oh, my, the videos we did! I still have that by the way. Going to be putting them on DVD.
9. P Diddy feat Sting & Faith Evans I'll be missing you ... Going through Elementary School before moving to Chats. And having to experience the murder of a fellow student and acquaintance killed by someone in her own family. You always think, things like this doesn't come close to home. Which may be why I love CSI franchises since they help find the person who do these sorts of thing.
10. Don Juan - Changer ... Always trying to improve oneself, certain events change you whether you like it or not. Monitor, your reactions.

Name 5 songs that still give you chills every time you hear them: So I added a few songs!

1. Mariah Carey - Hero
2. Westlife - Flying Without Wings*
3. Joey Mcintyre - Stay The Same
4. Miley Cyrus - The Climb
5. Alexandra Burke - Hallelujah*
6. Michael Jaclson - They Don't Care About Us
7. Lee Ann Womack - I Hope You Dance
8. Mariah Carey - Can't take that away
9. Christina Aguilera - Hurt
10. Lonestar - I'm Already There
11. House Music United - Yes We Can (Original Mix)
12. Jamie Walters - Hold On
13. Westlife - You Raise me Up

Name 10 of your favourite love songs: ... okay so I added a little more than 25. So sue me.
01. Shania Twain - From This Moment On
02. Righteous Brothers - Unchained Melody
03. Aerosmith - I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing
04. 98 degrees - I Do(cherish you)
05. LeAnn Rimes- How Do I Live (Mr. Mig Radio Edit)
06. Lonestar - Amazed
07. Westlife - More Than Words
08. Nick carter - Who needs the world
09. Bryan Adams - (Everything I Do) I Do It For You
10. Meat Loaf - I'd Do Anything For Love
11. O-Town - Baby I would
12. Savage Garden - Truly madly deeply
13. Darren Hayes - Insatiable
14. Savage Garden - I knew I loved you
15. Backstreet Boys - No else comes to you & If I don't have you
16. Enrique Iglesias - Hero (Metro Mix)
17. Marc Anthony - I've got you & I need you
18 Tyrese - Lately
19. Ronan Keating - If I Don't Tell You Now
20. K-Ci & JoJo - All My Life
21 Mariah Carey - Endless Love ft Luther Vandross
22 Lonestar - I'm Already There
23. Jennifer Lopez - Dreaming of You & I Could Fall In Love
24. Baha Men - Land of Sea and Sun &
25. New Kids On The Block - The Right Stuff
26. Dana Glover - It Is You (I Have Loved)
27. Lisa Stansfield - Somewhere My Baby Waits For Me
28. Dan Finnerty - Groovy Kind Of Love
29. Sue Ann Carwell & Mervyn Warren - Plan On Forever
30. Baha Men - Hooked on a Feelin'
31. UB40 - Can't help falling in love
32. Dirty Dancing Soundtrack - I've Had The Time Of My Life
33. Jordan Hill - Remember Me This Way
34. Cascada - Everytime we Touch
35. Jessica Simpson - I Wanna Love You Forever

What is the first song you remembering loving as a child? Frankie Valli & the Four Seasons - Rag Doll


What was the first album you ever bought? Backstreet Boys - Self title and Mc Mario Mix and a few others. Back then, I could never walk out of a HMV Store with just one cassette tape/CD.

What would people be most surprised to see on your iPod? That I don't have an iPod ...lol. I have Creative 10GB Jubebox. On that you'd be surprise that I have Changer - Don Juan a French song, classical music and soothing music of Dolphins, Orcas, the ocean waves and the rain. I won't be able to listen to them until I buy more special batteries for it! I listen to a bit of everything.

What is your favourite song of all time? Well, I change it from time to time but at the moment I love Flo Rida - Right Round, Kanye West Lovelock Down ft LFAMO, PCD - When I grow up & Hush Hush, Mariah Carey - I Want To Know What Love Is and Jesse McCartney - How Do U Sleep ft Ludacris & Leavin'.
I can't just choose just any song. I love them all.

I seriously had to stop, I think that given enough time, I could choose all the songs I like. Provided that all the artists top making stopped making songs for a certain length of time. :) I started searching on YouTube; which is not a good sign so I'll end it here. Before this Blog is really long. I know I'm missing songs to put in here ...

I need to put a limit.