My Physical Science Research - Nuclear Decommissioning of old Nuclear Plants

I worked so freaking hard on this that I wanted to blog is before having to delete it from Julie's Laptop

INTRODUCTION

Before understanding about decommissioning, we need to understand how Nuclear Power plants get their power to generate electric energy to its clients, us. Atomic Energy of Canada Limited (AECL) explains it like this, “Simply put, a nuclear reactor is a device, which produces heat. In a nuclear power station, the reactor performs the same work as a boiler in a coal, gas or oil-fired station. Heat is required to turn water into steam. This steam spins large turbines, which in turn drive the generators that produce electricity. There are different kinds of nuclear reactors, but they all operate on the same basic principle. A nuclear reactor produces heat by splitting uranium atoms. This process is called a "nuclear reaction, or fission” - https://canteach.candu.org/Info/Documents/CANDU%20-%20How%20a%20Reactor%20Works.pdf

In the phase of decommissioning, it is just a fancy way of stating the Nuclear power plant is being closed down. In this process there are 3 options, according to the US NRC (United States Nuclear Regulatory Commission); “... DECON, SAFSTOR, or ENTOMB.

Under DECON (immediate dismantlement), soon after the nuclear facility closes, equipment, structures, and portions of the facility containing radioactive contaminants are removed or decontaminated to a level that permits release of the property and termination of the NRC license.

Under SAFSTOR, often considered “delayed DECON,” a nuclear facility is maintained and monitored in a condition that allows the radioactivity to decay; afterwards, it is dismantled and the property decontaminated.

Under ENTOMB, radioactive contaminants are permanently encased on site in structurally sound material such as concrete and appropriately maintained and monitored until the radioactivity decays to a level permitting restricted release of the property. To date, no NRC-licensed facilities have requested this option.” - http://www.nrc.gov/reading-rm/doc-collections/fact-sheets/decommissioning.html

INTEREST

As a consumer, we are broadly taught about how the nuclear power plants stations give us power and a bit on how they work. I’m really interested in the how and why, decommissioning of a nuclear power plant would be closed down other than a serious problem(s) arising. I have never heard of a Hydro-Electric plant being closed or having serious problems other then the weather cutting off our electricity. Those it’s not the fault of hydro’s damns and more of the cable lines. As I review the topics of choice, when I saw the topic “Nuclear Decommissioning of Old Nuclear Plants” my interest dove into it and want to know more about it.

IN PHYSICAL SCIENCE CLASS

In class, we are taught the details almost everything that is needed know about decommissioning and how they work just without even knowing it. Everything we learnt, dealt with the nucleus and the power inside it, starting by giving us a background of history on how we obtained today’s knowledge. The nucleus of an atom is very interesting topic. There is so much power in there that I didn’t even know. When the nucleus is split (creates fission by bombarding the nucleus with neutrons) or if two light nuclei are mixed (creates fusion by forming a heavier atom), they both release energy. Although fusion create much more energy than fission can. This is your basic start of the formula to create bombs; all you need is the right elements. We can’t forget isotopes. I think this is where it all begins really; they are an element with more neutrons in its nucleus than its stable atom is an isotope of the particular atom. Isotopes are even more reactive than normal atoms. Isotopes of certain elements decay; as they decay they go through a transformation process where they lose some their energy and they do this until they are in a stable state. It sounds like nothing but this violent change is the cause of radioactivity. The radiation comes in 3 forms; alpha and beta not as penetrating and gamma, which is very penetrable. Causing severe illness, cancer and can kills the environment. While these isotopes are going through these intense changes it releases an incredible amount of energy. This energy is hardness and converts to the electricity by none other than these Nuclear Power plants. We also learnt about half-life. This is the rate it takes for a radioactive substance to disintegrate, some from a few seconds to billions of years. This information is important because dealing with decommissioning of nuclear plants they have a lot of nuclear waste and radioactive substances that need to be carefully disposed of in cement containers.

We study how there are advantages, two of which, I will state below and disadvantage, I will also state underneath. After the fuel bundles are in the reactor they are radioactive. We learnt about radioactive things can ionize matter. And have a penetration level. The radioactive substance in the reactors can be covered in concrete since it can penetrate through it after a certain thickness. We learn that eventually they will decay but some have a longer half-life than other elements.

I have discovered that Nuclear Power plants are widely used around the world. These plants are becoming more popular. As popular and safe as these power sources seem. When everything is working fine, everything is great; however, if something does go wrong, more specifically in the reactor, very serious and dangerous consequences that can happen. I ask, is the risk worth it?

ADVANTAGES

Creating jobs and financial growth has always been a plus no matter who you are. If something going to create economic growth it usually makes everyone happy. According to the NEI (Nuclear Energy Institute), “The nuclear energy industry can play an important role in job creation and economic growth, providing both near-term and lasting employment and economic benefits. The 104 nuclear units in the U.S. generate substantial domestic economic value in electricity sales and revenue - $40-$50 billion each year - with over 100,000 workers contributing to production.
Worldwide, over 150 new nuclear plant projects are in the licensing and advanced planning stage, with 65 plants currently under construction. As a result, the years ahead will see a surge in demand for materials, components and services for the global nuclear industry. The Department of Commerce estimates the global market for nuclear products, services and fuel at $500-$740 billion over the next 10 years.
The U.S. Department of Energy projects that U.S. electricity demand will rise 24 percent by 2035, about 1 percent each year. That means our nation will need hundreds of new power plants to provide electricity to meet rising demand and replace aging infrastructure. Nuclear energy is the only proven technology that can provide emission-free, affordable baseload electricity...” - http://www.nei.org/resourcesandstats/documentlibrary/newplants/whitepaper/jobs

Another great advantages to is how much more energy it provides than other types of power plants. Here is a statement by the OPG (Ontario Power Generation), “One of these half-metre fuel bundles can provide enough electricity to power 100 homes for a year ... Nuclear power stations are able to produce tremendous amounts of electricity from a very small amount of fuel. A single 2.5 centimetre nuclear fuel pellet can produce the same amount of energy as 807 kilograms of coal, 677 litres of oil, or 476 cubic metres of natural gas.” - http://www.opg.com/education/kits/grade9student.pdf

DISADVANTAGES

As there are advantages, there are also disadvantages. This first one is a double whammy, Not only is a Nuclear Reactor core only have a life span of 30 to 40 years, but there are countries wanting to extend that 40 years to 60 years. Do I smell a problem in this that decision?

In an article from “Thomson Reuters is the world’s largest international multimedia new agency ...,” states, “By the end of 2022, 22 out the 58 reactors in France, the world's most nuclear-reliant country, will have been in operation for 40 years. In the absence of investment decisions, an implicit decision has already been made that commits France either to prolong the reactors' lifespan beyond 40 years or to quickly change the energy mix, which implies more investment," said the report on the costs of the French nuclear power sector.

By the end of 2022, 22 out the 58 reactors in France, the world's most nuclear-reliant country, will have been in operation for 40 years.

The report, published on Tuesday, said that if the reactors' lifespan was limited to 40 years, this would mean having to build 11 new-generation reactors by 2022.

"Putting in place such an investment programme in the short term is highly unlikely, even impossible," it said.” – Articles named “UPDATE 1-France must extend nuclear reactor lifespan-audit`

http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/01/31/nuclear-france-report-idUSL5E8CV46820120131

As my second disadvantage is, although it doesn’t cause chemical waste, it does cause serious nuclear waste. There are 3 categories of waste, “Almost all manufacturing and industrial activities produce “waste”. The use of nuclear energy is no different, except that the amount of waste is small and, while potentially hazardous, it is very well managed. Radioactive waste is generally divided into three categories: low, intermediate and high, depending on the level of radioactivity. Low-level waste includes slightly contaminated clothing and items that could come from various activities, such as hospital departments of nuclear medicine, research laboratories, as well as nuclear power plants. Most nuclear waste falls in this category. Intermediate-level waste is typically items such as ion exchange columns from the cooling system of a nuclear power plant, which contain a higher level of radioactivity. High-level waste contains a large amount of radioactive material. The term is often used for spent fuel from a nuclear reactor. This is somewhat of a misnomer since the spent fuel has considerable potential energy, which many countries recognize by reprocessing the fuel from their nuclear power plants to be used again.” – says CNA (Canadian Nuclear Association) http://www.cna.ca/english/nuclear_facts/management/nuclear_waste.html

“The radioactive waste products from the nuclear industry must be isolated from contact with people for very long time periods. The bulk of the radioactivity is contained in the spent fuel, which is quite small in volume and therefore easily handled with great care. This "high level waste" will be converted to a rock-like form and emplaced
in the natural habitat of rocks, deep underground. The average lifetime of a rock in that environment is one billion years. If the waste behaves like other rock, it is easily shown that the waste generated by one nuclear power plant will eventually, over millions of years (if there is no cure found for cancer), cause one death from 50 years of operation. ... The much larger volume of much less radioactive (low level) waste from nuclear plants will be buried at shallow depths (typically 20 feet) in soil. If we assume that this material immediately becomes dispersed through the soil between the surface and ground water depth (despite elaborate measures to maintain waste package integrity) and behaves like the same materials that are present naturally in soil (there is extensive evidence confirming such behavior), the death toll from this low level waste would be 5% of that from the high level waste discussed in the previous paragraph.” - Bernard L. Cohen, Sc.D (Professor at the University of Pittsburgh) states in his articles RISKS OF NUCLEAR POWER http://www.physics.isu.edu/radinf/np-risk.htm

CONCLUSION

My position in all this is, I’m fore Hydro-Quebec and its safe, renewable, expensive ways versus nuclear power and its potential hazardous ways. All Nuclear Reactors have an expiry date. At some point in time each reactor core will have to be decommissioned and they will have to find new places to build newer power plants and eventually run out of space to build their plants and store their waste.

In today day in age, everyone is use to all the electrical gadgets that help make our lives easier and a way of making things be done faster in our fast pacing lives (example vacuuming carpets and floors versus sweeping). I doubt that people will be able to live happier using less energy especially since we have adjusted to our current way of life. I personally think that we (as a society) should either find better sources of power. For example: making solar panelling cheaper and available. I heard that in Ontario, that farmers are building solar panelling farms and that some residential people have solar panels. “Some farmers seem to be switching crops. Instead of growing wheat or corn, they're installing solar panels and windmills on their barns or even whole fields, creating "wind farms" and "solar farms", cashing in on the 6 cents per kW/hour that Ontario Hydro now pays. Some people are also supporting the idea of a new law that will make all new homes and new buildings required to have solar panels on them. These solar panels could provide extra power to the electrical grid, emergency power for the owners, and decrease the electrity shortage.” Stated on the website http://www.lilith-ezine.com/articles/environmental/The-Solar-Powered-Myth.html

They make a point not to use too much to be able to store the rest and give it to Ontario Power Generation Power Company and get a return in profit eventually paying back their investment.

For fun, I had checked out some YouTube videos about some ideas made by people that have many advantages and use the power behind the Hydro. Some that looked good was “Scale Wave – Power Station,” - http://youtu.be/fet4bCYvmLw claims that is “The world's first commercial-scale wave-power station has gone live off the coast of Portugal. This footage shows how the 140m-long snake-like devices work.” Another one is which my favourite the “Hybrid Bridge” is. “Hybrid Bridge produces energy from wind, waves and ocean currents. Different concept of including a floating bridge. Boats may pass over the bridge. The cars are running in an underwater tunnel.” - by http://youtu.be/TkaPjhYuPtQ These are just a few of the ideas, there are several others using the current under water to the power of the wave.

My position in relation to the ADVANTAGES is that I’m glad that it creates jobs and that a small amount of nuclear energy makes more electric energy, there are several other power station ideas out there that will still create jobs and make it a less dangerous environment for these workers to work under. I came up with at least 3 ideas where these workers can potential work. As for the amount of energy these naturally powerful sources of Mother Nature are much safer.

My position in relation to the DISAVANTAGES is that at some point in the life span of the Nuclear Power Plant it will have to be decommissioned. The costs of decommissioning are in the billions and although the ones in Canada save part of their profits to put towards it, but France don’t seem to have thought about that. In the Reuter articles from the website (
http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/01/31/nuclear-france-report-idUSL5E8CV46820120131 articles called “UPDATE 1-France must extend nuclear reactor lifespans-audit” ) is also states – “Greenpeace said the failure to make any investment decisions in the past is resulting at higher financial costs and putting the population at risk.” Which although it may have been a good cheap source they will have to find some deep pockets to help with the decommissioning if the EDF audits the process of letting them use the reactor till it is 60. With that said, why use a source of power that we have to relocate every couple of decades? When there are sources that can stay put. Regardless of the nuclear waste, we will eventually run out of space to put it. Use something that renewable and creates less waste like Hydro Electric or solar panelling.

I meant although there have only been 5 disasters, “Chernobyl, Soviet Union, Kyshtym, Soviet Union, Windscale Fire, Great Britain, Three Mile Island, United States, Tokaimura, Japan states http://news.discovery.com/tech/top-five-nuclear-disasters.html,” And now we have 6, with the Fukushima Disaster to add to it. How many more will there be until the point it finally looked at? Or maybe a better way to state this question is, how much damage needs to be caused before, it’s thought of as a dangerous source of energy?

I will admit that they make good power stations, by to me; it’s not worth the potential risk they can offer.

BIBLIOGRAPHY:

1 - https://canteach.candu.org/Info/Documents/CANDU%20-%20How%20a%20Reactor%20Works.pdf

Simple form of how we get power from a Nuclear reactor

2 - http://www.nrc.gov/reading-rm/doc-collections/fact-sheets/decommissioning.html

3 ways to decommission a Nuclear Power Plant

3 - http://www.nei.org/resourcesandstats/documentlibrary/newplants/whitepaper/jobs

Financial aspect of nuclear power plants. Creating jobs and amount of money it brings in.

4 - http://www.opg.com/education/kits/grade9student.pdf

Provides the amount of power in a small amount used versus other power sources.

5 - http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/01/31/nuclear-france-report-idUSL5E8CV46820120131

France having problems with decommission because they don’t have the money for it and they want to expand the life of the reactor. And now they want to extend the life from 40 to 60.

6 - http://www.cna.ca/english/nuclear_facts/management/nuclear_waste.html

Various types of nuclear waste and how it must be “disposed” of

7 - http://www.physics.isu.edu/radinf/np-risk.htm
ON radioactive waste

8 - http://www.lilith-ezine.com/articles/environmental/The-Solar-Powered-Myth.html

Farmers farm electric sources now like solar panelling and wind mills

9 - http://youtu.be/fet4bCYvmLw ideas of other types of power station – Scale Wave – Power Station

10 - http://youtu.be/TkaPjhYuPtQ ideas of other types of power station – Hybrid Bridge

11 - http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/01/31/nuclear-france-report-idUSL5E8CV46820120131

France did not set money aside to decommission their nuclear power plant when the reactor life span is up.

12 - http://news.discovery.com/tech/top-five-nuclear-disasters.html

Top 5 disasters not including the Fukushima Disaster

It's Been a While .... update

Well since I last chatted, I was going threw a hard time. It was tough to get back on my feet. From then to now, I have adopted the silliest 6 year old cat ever. She keeps me on my toes and makes me laugh a lot. I have a hard time adjusting to her daily waking up calls of wanting to be feed. She also hasn't adjusted to the noises in the house as well as my clumsiness. She's a nervous Nelly and she's sweet.

We bought a new living-room set. It's officially my favorite place to sit and type this to you, watch a movie or play the Wii or just having a cup of tea or hot chocolate and chatting with mum. It's quite cozy.

I started the PAB course. I would say it's the official course since it's recognized by the Quebec government. I've finished the theory, gained some new hilarious and fun friends and we're all on our 2 stage now. I'll be finished before Christmas. I plan to work most of new year, and take some night courses to update some things and once I have worked everything out go back to school and come out an RN (Registered Nurse). This is my backup plan.

My current plan as always has been to succeed in the Movie Industry. I have a review that needs to be filmed on a product. That should be up and ready by the end of this November month. I plan to finish the Profile script and sell it. I also have some skits that need to be edited and a Promo for my cousins wedding and final cut.

Helping me stay on track and with the hard times are my 6 boys on my Sunday visits. Their mom and I do things like have Wii (which is the only thing they want to do). We did crafts 2 weeks ago and went out trick-or-treating last weekend. I love them so much. The hardest part of the course I'm in was verbalizing what I want done after my death and my goodbye letter to everybody. They are my weekly pick-me-up.

I'm in the market looking for my guy and taking applications. There were a few that have caught my eye. However, I'm not giving them the my time, since they seem to have the word "player" posted all over each one and some are too shallow and it's not worth it. I'm not exactly sure how it's going to roll out but I will enjoy the road to get there.

Once I purchase it a Cardio DVD set I want called 10 Minute trainer by Tony Horton. I plan on writing journals maybe even YouTube it of my challenges and the process of getting into shape. I think it's the best idea since my normal stress reliever is driving my car with the music blasting. For those of you who don't know or have forgotten, I had to scrap my Baby girl in Dec 2009. She wasn't working properly and she was starting to cost a lot to keep her. I donated her to the Kidney foundation. I'm still trying to sell her winter tires. With that I have had to find another way to relieve the tension, toxins and stress. At the moment I'm using music to help but exercise will work a lot better.

My first stage, which was a Mental Health stage, dealing with aggressive behaviors and Mental Health Issues, started off really rough. The lady was so tough I broke down one day. On my way home, I promised I wouldn't let it happen again. I had the meaning lady on the floor and the girls in my group, noticed the boys were being favored. Now, the teacher seems to be picking on my friend. It's turning into a weird experience. Next one that starts on Monday is basic care. We'll see how that goes. I am disappointed that we don't get a Hospital (Acute Care) experience.

Extra plus side, I'll be helping to plan a Christmas dinner with my Cousin. I miss her so much. I'm glad that we stay in touch. I hope we always do. Also NKOTB (New Kids On The Block) will be sharing the stage with BSB (Backstreet Boys). I'm looking forward to that concert. I'm hoping it'll be towards the mid to end of 2011 so that I can save enough money to go see them in BC with my cousin. We had a blast at the NKOTB concert. It'll be a 4 for the price of 1 experience. Seeing my cousins place and new lifestyle, vacationing, seeing BSB and NKOTB and going to BC which I have not been yet. I'm so pumped and excited for it.

That's all for now, I'll try not to let such a lapse happen before I write again.

Take care everyone.

Let The Sunshine In

After 2 crazy months of what I would say was hell.  I call it that since moving away from Steve, 7 years ago, life a had a perfect uphill route.  I had my cat, which was my baby boy, a job that I was just starting and was going to start having a love life.  Even after the love life came ripping down, I bounced back very quickly.   Went back to school and starting working with Senior Residences with my mom in Saint-Hubert.

From there, we were on cloud nine for a while.  Paying of debts off that had been lingering, saving up money for another car.  Life was fabulous.  The little bullets that hit us until Dec 2009 were low blows.  From being scammed, car repairs, having our salaries reduced, going on unemployment for about a year and more car repairs were little nothings, looking back at them all now.  Those little blows, never prepared me for the last 2 months.  The first strike was having to scrap my car.

It was painful on 3 levels.  1-Fond memories and she was mine,  2- the great lifestyle of up a go, whenever wherever, no need to really plan around the STM transportation system.  Especially since, most of the out and about that I did, where usually either really far away or really late at night.  The people it allowed me to help out, go see and stay in touch with. Lastly, 3- She was my stress reliever.  At any point in time,  when I was stressing, I would get into the car, pump the sound up, and just drive, sometimes for hours.  It was amazing how therapeutic it was for me.  Then the dryer broke down again.  I’m not sure of the problem.  It isn’t that big of deal since we have found away around it. After I had gotten over that, which was simple, I kept thinking of how much good my car has done for the Kidney Foundation Canada, I donated it to them to scrap it for me.  I thought it was just about a matter of time before the universe would bring me a pick up.  It did.  I started working at Best Buy. 

About a few days in,  I realized I had lost the love I had once of being a cashier.  To the point that I despised it.  I would recommend anyone going to school, who loves electronics to apply at Best Buy.  Or if you have a very low budget.  Otherwise, forget it.  I can’t complain that much about Best Buy, from their concept of team work, jokes, the employees’ room and the pay, it wasn’t that bad. I was use to a higher pay and it was harder paying off the bills that month, as I usual do.  It helped to have our first ever, since Steve, family gathering, with the help of those that helped pay for things.  A good Christmas. After being fired, which was my delight, I wasn’t at all prepared for the month of January 2010.  Looking back,   being fired was the best solution.  There was no way I could have been in the condition to work.

January started off with a bang, the family gathering.  Those that came, little did they know, would be the last time we see my aunt Diane. As far as I was told, and could tell, everyone had gifts to bring home, and everyone had fun.  Three days later, my aunt went in to the hospital.  She never checked out.  The nurses keep my aunt on life support until her daughter Dawn, could get into town from Manitoba.  With her flights constantly being delayed.  She didn’t make in until early Wednesday morning.  Even in death, my aunt was giving.  She donated all her vital organs to those that needed.  That week, was mostly dedicated to my Aunt, as it should be.  From the funeral, wake and then the burial days after.  With very little sleep that we for all of us, that week somehow flew by.  Things seemed to be on a slow rise to the better, after aunt Diane was peacefully resting in her grave in D.D.O.

Until last week, I was awaken abruptly by my cat, having trouble breathing.  Filled with fear and panic, we rushed to find a way to get him to the vet as fast as we could.  By the time we had gotten him there, it was already to late.  I was already a wreck, when the chilling words, we have to put him down, came out of the Vets’ mouth.  I lost all sensation and luckily had a bench to break my fall.  I, already scared to watch someone who matters so much to me go from breathing to not breathing, it broke my heart, that I couldn’t be there in the room with him.  I’m glad that my mom was at least there.  He was what I assumed it would be like to have a son.  I was so proud of who he had become and how intelligent he was.  That was the worst day of my life.  After all this, I was at an all-time low. Already, discouraged from loosing 2 loved-ones, a car and struggling with my current life realities: how I got here and where it was heading to, my finances and my mum.

A few days after mourning the lost of my recent life experience, Squirt, I receive a phone call about a job interview.  As they began to tell the details of where to go, time and such,  I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Finally, I thought to myself.

My current plan, that I had made about a few weeks prior, was my back up plan.  While working the movie Production Business.  I needed a back up plan.  Staying as a PAB, I knew it was only going to get me so far. After talking to Emploi-Quebec, the decision was to go back to school to retake the PAB course.  It sounds weird but in order for me to be able to get into government facilities.  I needed a course of at least 280 hours in some cases.  Where as I have 105 hours course on my CV.  From there, I could go back to school and work part-time to become a Registered Nurse.  This work job would enable me to cut out retaking the course, which is a course of 6 to 8 months.  By getting this job, I can use the time that I would have been in the course for to save up money for school, as well as paying off my affairs, and maybe get another used but newer car. Instead of going into school already in debt and many unpaid bills, covered by more debt due to school loans and such.

So here, I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  Hoping it gets brighter. As I await to see how they analyzed my first interview, which was to see how well everyone works as a team, and see our personalities and how they would get along with their current staff. As I waited for them to let me know of the outcome, my mom and I, yesterday (the 1st of February) adopted a 6 year old female kitty.  Her name is Misty.  She once belonged to my mom’s friend’s mother.  Who then gave it to her daughter, Bev, and now, she is slowly adjusting to our home.  I can tell my mom already loves her, and it’s not because she has called her Squirty several times.  Misty is just so affectionate and loves to be petted.

Today, the 2nd, after getting home late last night and keeping a watchful eye on Misty. She is taking the transition pretty well. I noticed there was a message on the answering machine.  When I heard it, it was the guy from my interview telling me to call him back.  He didn’t leave much more of a message than that.  So I’m awaiting for 10 am to come up to give a call and find out what’s what.  My fingers are crossed hoping, praying and talking to the LOA for this to be my next step to getting the job.  I believe there are 5 steps and I can’t help but think and feel what the American Idols feel when they await to see if they have won the chance to the next audition.

So I’m hoping the sun will shine in from the other end of the tunnel.  I await as you do, for the next good thing that happens.  Even though there are still times, I catch myself crying over my lost, I know that my aunt wouldn’t want me to look back since her finally words to me  were, “… since I have to go, have fun for me ...”  I’m not sure what Squirt would have wanted, because I never understood a word he said.  However, I did understand certain tones in the meows meant things like, I’m happy, hungry, in pain, I’m angry.  I’m sure he knew how much I loved him,  Judging by what everyone else has told me, that they knew I would take it really hard.  I know he’s no longer in pain anymore,  and I hope he’s watching over me and is happy. Heck, may be he’s with Mittens and she is showing him the ropes on how things work where they are.

With that said, I need a tissue, I’m signing off until the next blog,

All the best.

R.I.P Mittens – Introduction to “My Little Man”

 

On October 31st, 1998, as my friends and I were getting ready to go trick-or-treating, one of my mom’s good friends came over, her name is Nicky.  With her, she brought 2 little bundles of joys, in hopes I would take one.

I believe that my mom knew that I was still grieving from the death of my cat, Mittens. Which is why she agreed to letting me keep both of them. We had a special bond, Mittens and I, even though, my mom was the one that trained her. I believe within her head, I was her baby.  It makes sense, I got her for my 2nd birthday.

It was suppose to be a surprise birthday gift from my Uncle.  My cousins ruined that surprise when I went to visit them, they at that time, lived across the street from us, I believe it was after school. I would stay with my Godparents and cousins until my mom would come pick me up. They were so happy for me; they thought I had already received her as my gift. They knew for my birthday I wanted a cat.  To their surprise, I had not yet received my birthday gift.  After finding out, I was so delighted, I got them in a ton of trouble as I couldn’t hold the excitement inside after finding out, I had my very own kitten. As well as, where was it hidden? When was I was going to get her?

I don’t remember much of those years but I remember a few things about her. She was very loving. She was my best friend and I would talk to her about my deepest darkest secrets as well as how my day went. I think, she thought, she was part human.  Maybe, that we were part cat?  She could be anywhere in the house and could sense when I was sad, lonely or angry. When she sensed this, she would come running and spend whatever time it took till I felt better.  During this time, she would snuggle with me until I would stop feeling sad, angry or lonely.

She was very protective of me. I remember moments when she would growl, while I was trying to sleep, at the people coming over. The most memorial moment, was when my cousins from across the street were over. The 3 of us were at the other end of the apartment, checking out my cat's kittens. We mimicked the kittens cries. We did it for such a long time that we pissed her off. She then became so violent, it scared the crap out of us. We all got up and went ran down the hallway in fear of our lives. We were so scarred of this cat that was not only much smaller than us but had no claws. It took a while, but she slowly came around and forgave me. After about 6 weeks, she got over it totally and I became her kitten, again. I still have some footage of her and use to have many pictures but since moving, I lost about 75% of the pictures that were taken. However, I do have a picture I drew of her after she past on, in her loving memory.  Drawing her helped with moving on.

I'll never forget the day; Mittens died. It was early that month of October of 1998. I had come home from a day fat High School. I’m unsure of how that day went; when I got home, I sensed something different in the air. I think even my mom knew. She had bought my about 6 of my favourite magazines and had given them to me to cheer me up. Which is what she only did when I was feeling down or depressed.
It was after supper, I was looking through the magazines. Mittens was acting out of character. My mom’s ex-husband and our dog were sitting watching TV. Mittens went to them first. Simba, the dog, and Mittens never really got along.  In this moment,  what they shared, was like saying goodbye, by rubbing their noses together. Next, the ex, he petted her. Afterwards, she came to my mom and I.  We were both sitting in the dinning room at the table checking out the magazines. She went to see my mom, she lied on my mom's pages as normal. My mom petted her a few times and she made her way to me. As she headed towards me, I sensed something was wrong with her, I just didn’t know what. Halfway across the table, I started petting her.  She sat and a certain length of time.  She got back up. She then headed towards the edge of the table to go back on the floor. Only it was too late, somewhere within that jump and attempt to jump, she had a heart attack. Usually, she lands on her feet but not this time. She landed on her back. As I saw her laying there, I screamed because she didn’t move. After that, everything gets hazy. I remember my fear of death, I couldn’t push myself to touch her and say a final goodbye.
From that point, I’m not quite sure, I remember gaps. I remember searching for the phone book to get a Vet that was open at that hour. I remember my mom held her in her arms, they went to the Vet at night. I don’t know how long they were gone but it felt like several hours. When they came home, they came home without her, it was then that it hit really hard.   Even those while she was just laying there; I guess, I didn’t want to believe it.  I think a part of me did know that she was gone.
The next day was a school day, I refused to go. I was so hurt inside to want to deal with other people at that moment. My mom told me I should. I forced myself to go to school.  All cried out with red blood shot eyes that were so itchy, I walked to school, hoping the redness and itchiness would go away. My friends knew something was up.  I didn’t want to talk about it.  It wasn’t until really close to lunch I broke down and I cried several times the remainder of that day, God bless, the people that were there during those times. It was a hard to get through.
I think my mom saw how hard it was for me, I grieved for about 2 weeks straight. Then Halloween night came along.

…. to continue this blog, please read “My Little Man” …

In Loving Memory - Diane Mooney Foley Sheehan

In Loving Memory - Diane Mooney Foley Sheehan

Happy New Year, everyone. Wishing you all the best in 2010. This will be short and sweet!

A letter From DAS PRODUCTTIONS,
Even though this year a just begun so much has happen. I apologize for not making time to write a blog.
Four days into 2010, Martin and I have lost a loved one. Martin, a mother, and that same person was my Aunt. She was a great inspiration to everyone in the family. It's still very hard to believe that she is gone. After everything was say and done, Martin and I, decided to use DAS Productions and make a memorial video. Not realizing the amount of interest we have in this video, we have recently decided to turn it into a documentary film. After the huge turn out at her funeral (about 100 plus people), it became clear to us that we are on the right plan. Even though she is not a celebrity she was very loved by her friends and family.
We will be sending out a sample video of anyone interested in helping. Everyone that helps their name goes into the already growing credits. This video is going to be put online as a sample of what's to come. We hope to have the filming done by the end of the summer 2010. Our goal is to put it online by the 1st anniversary the latest.

All the best
Martin Foley and Tara Sendel
DAS PRODUCTIONS

What A Week.

It has been quite the week.  An emotional roller coaster.  It has been very stressing. I noticed my life is getting into a negative aura that I must change back to positive.

I started my new job.  Training on Saturday was quite cool.  As I started, Monday all day getting to know the system, I had gone through the ups and downs of working there.  Trying to stay strong, while learning all these codes and the way the system works, I couldn’t help to think, “Wow, I don’t belong here".  As much as we need to the money, I bit my tongue and lived through all of the overwhelming events.  I spent most of my time apologized since I didn’t know the system.  When push came to shove I realized, I’m only here seasonally, and God bless that fact.  After,  getting really excited and then discouraged throughout the day, I came home exhausted.  If I were getting into the working environment, this would definitely be the place for me.  But I have grown, I am not into the whole “cashier” thing anymore.  Or at least, as much as I thought, I would be.  I longed for being an orderly.  Not for the rest of my life, until my business makes more than enough money to support my lifestyle with my mum.  I pray that Mr Pacelli find and remakes his residence soon.  I know I would already have the job and with the best boss and working environment ever!!!!

I have come to realize my place is at home, taking care of my mum.  The odds of me finding a guy here are slim, which helps.  I have not giving up, I know, he is not here in Montreal as a resident.  I have a better chance of hooking up with someone online, as tacky as that is.  No, offence to the people who have successfully found that certain someone online.  I have found one guy that seems to be interesting.  He lives in Ontario. As much as I am not a fan of the whole online dating thing, he somehow has poked through that wall I have created.

Back on topic, since my mom has been on dialysis, I find that she needs me even more.   I spend my days away from her, worried that she, all by herself, the slightest thing can happen since no one is with her.  I’m looking into ideas for having someone with her at times until we move into a more suitable place.  During her dialysis she is find,  however afterwards she gets very drowsy and needs to eat something.  I’m unsure if she  is too weak to get downstairs when I am not there to get the Paratransit bus.  When I’m there I have her sit in a wheel chair and we go back to the 1st floor to the car.  Once at the car, she gets out of the wheel chair and into the car.  She is my last bit of close family and I know that one day .. she will have to go, so I try to hold on to that as much as I can.

Another event,  I ended a friendship this week.  It ended ugly but it needed to be done.  After feeling bad at how badly it ended, I tried to befriend him again.  He wants nothing to do with me.  And as hard as it is to admit, I think it’s for the best. One thing he said that rings in my ears, is about how a mutual friend said that I go through friends a lot.  As much as she is right,  it hurt.  I then realized, sometimes it must be that way, we as people are all different and both change, life gets in and different scenarios happen that held us together and can makes us fall apart. There are friends I have today that I was never friends with from childhood. They are special people in my life.  I once heard on  TV talk show that their a friendships that start because of things in common and sometimes we grown as people and it’s no longer what holds us together.  There are friendship that don’t grow and with that they, the relationship dies.

Will we be friends again, I don't know. BUT …. it’s okay.

Going through the week,  I have to send my car in the scrap yard.   The only thing helping me is the thought of eventually getting another car. If you want to know more read my blog, “My Hot Wheels - “Babes”.” I haven’t done it yet.  It is something I have to have done by Friday.  I have been calling up different places to see what my options are as well as which is registered with the SAAQ.

Next, I received a letter from a CSSS (hospital) claiming I am not qualified to work for them and to take a 750 hours course to do what I already do.  Take a course, I have already finished.  In anger,  I am in the working process of writing them a letter.  With that letter, will not only include my CV again, but documents stating that I am qualified.  The only thing I have against me is the vaccination and my CPR card has expired.  But will be retaking that course and renewing my card in 2010.  And I'll have to get my H1N1 Flu vaccination to get back in that field.  As well as, I will be sending my CV to a residence to work there during the night shift.

I’m not a fan of the whole night shift thing, and I complained about it a lot.  It seems like the only thing my body know how to do.  Also it allows for the movie production business to be able to still work around a working schedule.  Whereas working as a cashier, they only wanted me for weekends.  I agreed to it to get the job but I won’t be able to keep it in order to do auditions and such.

Finally, today, with everything that was going on I was sure I was suppose to work on Thursday. It wasn't until, I check the calendar twice that around noon I realized that I was suppose to work today at 11 am. I called in telling them I couldn't make it today.  Which doesn’t look good for a new employee.   I was very close to completely quitting and everything before I made the phone call telling them I was suppose to work today but I mistaken it with Thursday.  It was my mom that helped me changed my mind. I guess for me at the moment it’s just easier to give up.  It would mean, with everything on my plate, I could take some things off it.  I am finding it hard, I admit it, I need some positive reinforcement to help me stay focused and motivated.  

My mom and I are looking into moving into low-income housing.   It’ll help us a lot to get things that need to be done as well as get us out of this apartment that is no longer suited for us. 

And that raps it all up.  I pray that even though this is just the middle of the week, the rest of it goes better.  Way better!

All the best.

2010 Ford Taurus

I'm wowed by the 2010 Taurus.  Even though I know the videos are for promotion. My favourite feature is the "my key" on this car.  I can lend my car out and control how fast you drive my V6 twin turbo chargers engine (only featured only the V6 Taurus SHO).  She totally on my next are list to choose from. :)

 

For those of you who know me, I love cars.  For that I could go on and on about this car. Only, just wanted to make my statement. 

Going to keep this post short and simple ;)